Happy Birthday To Me!

Well, I had a great birthday! A nice 4 day weekend too! I had to work on Friday. That was absolutely horrid! No revenue what so ever and the day seemed to last forever!
I forgot to mention, last week, I started to go to the Y with the kids and hubby brought it to my attention I have been leaving practically every night now that he's back. I felt really bad cause he was right. He wasn't mad, just making an observation. So I decided to stay home. I was tired anyway. And now Mary is here and I don't feel like doing anything! :) I called myself giving him some down time though. No kids. House to himself. But maybe that's the last thing he wants.
Anyway, Saturday was nice. Slept in a bit late. It was Cici's birthday. On Friday night, I gave her a 50.00 GC (from the Xmas party @ Southwest airlines for the Seabee families) I had been hanging on to. We stopped at Game Stop so she could spend it. She got a kit for her DSi that includes screen protectors and new styluses and she picked out a video game that came out recently but she has been asking about for months. Hubby had sent home the Dragon Ball Z movie for her while he was deployed, along with a Japanese version of the Dragon Ball Z cartoon and a Naruto DVD. She loves that anime stuff. I also got her a new journal. We ordered pizza for her bday and all watched Ninja Assassin together- her choice. We couldn't get a sitter over the weekend to take her anywhere.
Sunday was nice. Hubby and I went and bought a new mattress- pillow top to go with the new bedroom set we have coming. I am excited about how our house will hopefully look eventually! :) Mostly spent the day hanging out.
Monday, we went when the girls got out of school and saw Shrek in 3D. It was really funny. I liked it and the girls did too. I think Cici had an OK birthday. She said she couldn't get any friends to do anything with her. I asked her several times for the last couple months what she wanted to do since L had her party. But she never got it together. I am really concerned about her. I know she has a couple of friends she talks about but she also gets picked on. And she's such a pretty girl. I think it hampers her learning. I am trying to control her eating habits too. She gets down or nervous and eats! She's the only person I've ever heard of gaining weight once they got into braces!

Tuesday was my big day! After I got up and got all the kids off to school, came back home and went to sleep with hubby til 10:30 AM. That was nice! We got up and went to Walmart and look around. We are debating on getting an above ground pool for the kids for the summer. Which means totally revamping the yard as well as being able to afford upkeep... new filters and chlorine stuff. We are still deciding. Hubby actually walked around with me and looked at sheets and clothes and stuff without one complaint! He normally can't stand being in the store that long. From there we went to the nail place and got pedicures together. He was cracking me up saying he hoped nobody saw him there. A lady told him he was more of a man than those who didn't want to get their feet rubbed. He's so funny! When they did the bottoms of his feet, he laughed! Who knew he was ticklish there! LOL! After that we went to Studio Movie Grill and saw MacGruber. Super cheesy but pretty funny.

My mom baked me a cake and I went by to pick it up. I hope she is OK... Can't worry about her relationship problems right now... All in all, I had a pretty good birthday. 36 greeted me pretty nice... Let's just see if it keeps up the good work...

I hate obsessing compulsively over my OCD...

I am in heaven and just can't accept it...

I am going through a really bad case of OCD right now. I have been diagnosed with mild OCD (did you know you can have it mildly?) in the past. During the time hubby was gone on active duty after the twins were born.

It rears its head now and then. Currently, it's manifesting itself not only in a mental capacity, but physical as well. I scrubbed my face so hard on Tuesday night, I broke my skin... Go figure. It just felt greasy. What can I say? So I have a beautiful scar on my chin from 'self abuse' as hubby calls it. I had been wanting to organize my movie case for a long time. The other night I sat down and put about 130 DVDs into a travel carry case after removing them from their plastic protective covers. You have no idea how hard it was to keep myself from wanting to go back through all 130 cases to make sure I'd gotten the movies out.

The counting is back. I can't stand odd numbers. If I pay for something, I've gotta keep change on hand so I can pay the fee exactly. When I work out, I have to have an even number of calories burned or miles, etc. I think I am really trying to accommodate for not having enough to do. I am so lucky. My hubby has totally taken over the household duties. I have only had to fold clothes. He has the girls back on track with cleaning off the table and sweeping the floor immediately after dinner where as I had to yell and scream at them to do it and sometimes ended up doing it myself just for the peace of mind. I don't know why I don't get the same respect.

The kids are really enjoying him being home. The little ones get their regular hugs and tickles and silliness. I love to see that. They seem very happy. My hubby tells me I am beautiful or sexy every single day. Our "romantic" life is amazing. Outside of not having as much privacy as we want with all the kids around, it's great. He took my hand the other night, pulled me away from my laundry duties, and danced with me in the living room for a long while. He's so sweet to me. I feel tremendously blessed. But... I just can't get my mental shit together.

I know it will get better. I will let go of this pent up stress or whatever it is soon. I have to. My minor OCD is stuff like triple checking to see if the car doors are closed or doors are locked or appliances are turned off. Things like that are annoying but manageable. But it's getting bad right now. It makes it hard to concentrate on what's really important.

We are trying to figure out what to do with hubby. He wants to put in a package for recruiter. He wants to go to school full time. We want a lot of things for our home. He has a lot of financial/business needs to take care of on his own, now that he's back. I haven't even begun to worry about our finances yet. I got paid yesterday and didn't even know it was payday. Odd that is one thing I haven't been obsessing about. I used to balance my check book daily... Now it's just a couple times a week. I think that may be because I am not ready to stress over the finances. LOL. One thing at a time, please!

It poured down rain on Monday. So we didn't get to go work out. But last Thursday, the girls and I went to a dance class at the Y. On Saturday AM, we went back and worked out. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, we went to work out. My hips are killing me. I am so very proud of myself though. My hamstrings are a bit sore too. The dance class was so much fun. Our instructor is a trained dancer named Sue. It was a full hour of movement- cardio, stretching, lunges, all disguised as dancing. I am hoping I can get off work in time to go again today. My other work outs have been a mixture of the elliptical and weights. I really am hoping we get to do our family vacation the first week of August and that I am in great beach shape by then.

We are having a food in today to celebrate the May birthdays at work. That was nice. This office has such bad morale. I hate being in a retention office. Att is all about sales, no matter what. But our callers are people who are suspended and behind on payments or complaining about the costs of our services. I really just want to tell all of them, LOOK! We all have problems! You don't see me calling all my utility providers to haggle with them on their prices! What don't these people get about the fact that their service has a price and if they don't want to pay it, go somewhere else! I know that's the wrong attitude, but day in and day out. UGH! So depressingly frustrating! Or frustratingly depressing. However you word it, I am daily embracing all kinds of suck.

It would be a great dream if Stephen found a job paying as much as mine and I could go to nursing school. I would switch places with him in a heart beat. We have no gender-role confusion going on in our house. I have no problem with going to work and earning the money as long as hubby is home taking care of the kids and the house. He's better at the household stuff than I am anyway! We want to keep the kids in daycare until the end of the school year, which is going to totally tap us. But they love it and it will give him time to finish his to-do list of household repairs and business issues. He's already fixed so much! Loving my honey being home.

Well, guess I better go eat some of this stuff. Praying the rest of the work day is swift and merciful. I am ready to be home with my family!

my wonderful week, cont'd...

Got busy and didn't get to finish this post...
One thing I forgot to mention... The removal of the dog tag and deployment bracelet. I wore the deployment bracelet that MM gave me as well as the extra dog tag my hubby gave me every day while he was gone. Once he got off the bus and we got back to our room, the first thing I did was say to him, "you're home safely. I can finally take these off!" What a joy!
However, today, I can say I feel a bit naked without them on. They have almost become a part of me. Maybe when hubby is home from GP, it'll fill in that weird void. Hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I left off on our 5th night. We did this because I was supposed to be going to the airport to get home... New Orleans! Never been and what an experience it was. Our nicest hotel yet! No beach view but OMG! It was amazing. The Roosevelt Waldorf Astoria. Our Valet parking for the night was 38.00. Our room service breakfast, which was delicious but way too expensive, 100.00. There was a television in the bathroom! Weird thing, only a shower, no tub... But it had 4 heads! Total luxury... even robes! :) It was so beautiful. I took lots of photos.
We spent Friday night on Bourbon Street. I don't see how people do that more than one night in a row or on Mardi Gras. It was so busy and other people there I talked to in the restrooms, etc were telling me it was 100x worse during Mardi Gras. So many people, you can't even move! There was a jazz festival going on. We heard some great music. Had tons of drinks. Tons of laughs. I loved it!
Problem was, in my opinion, the oil spill. Now in case I hadn't mentioned this... BP had an oil rig explode before I left right off the gulf. They to this day are having problems containing it. Bad weather hasn't helped either. (It started pouring down rain the last day I was in Gulf Port. I am so thankful we had beautiful weather while I was there.) There was a mass evacuation of the gulf area. That included Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama and Florida. So sad.
I attempted to buy a plane ticket about 3 weeks before my trip but because the dates kept changing as to when hubby would be stateside, and the cost to change the ticket each time, I never bought one. The military rate was twice as much as the normal ticket, but at least you could switch it up... Anyway, I was given a free ticket by one of the other Seabee wives. The plan was to leave the car with the hubby and fly home.
The free ticket was stand-by basis only. There were no flights leaving from New Orleans... Which led to our next decision... Hubby's mom lives within the travel distance he was allotted in Alabama. So we drove there and spent a night with his Mom. She refused to let us get a hotel. :) It was good to see her and even better to see the huge hug she gave him. Warm fuzzies. She and her boyfriend took us to a piano bar for dinner. That was a cool experience. It was dueling pianos, 2 guys playing together but sort of competing... I was going to try to catch a flight out of AL instead... No go. All sold out.
So we ended up back in GP the next day. Hubby checked into his room and I got to spend one last night with him. We stopped and got him a rental car for the week. I personally was glad for one more night with him. Slept like a log, I was so worn out. We went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner and to see Death at a Funeral at the cinema. (I fogot to mention on our first day in GP we went to see the movie, Kick Ass... not what we were expecting but actually kinda cool.) I drove home Monday. Started out at 5:30 AM when he left to check in and got home around 4. I thought it was pretty ironic that it was pouring rain when I left him in GP and I hit sunny skies all the way to my home city, where it was raining when I got here. Ha! We were sharing each other's weather! The little ones weren't home yet, cousin still had them and agreed to meet us around 7 at home. So I took C and L to see Nightmare on Elm Street. They were glad for a little break from the house. We all like scary movies. Go figure.
I am praying for the gulf area. I had so much fun in all of our stops. The wonderful seafood. The beautiful beaches. I am hoping they get that stupid oil spill cleaned up soon, though they are saying it will be a few months. I hate it for that whole area to have to suffer a loss of tourism and the financial aspect for the fishermen of the area.
I am trying to be patient. I have been saying , "not much longer" for months and it's quite literally any day now but I am ready for my hubby to be home... I need a hug...
I also want to add... hubby and I have been married for a while now. We never got to go on a honey moon. We did the Vegas thing before his last deployment and got married with no family around. Didn't matter. We had each other.
Last time, 2005-2006, they left out of Port Hueneme, CA. I got to go out and be with him (when we only had Cici, Elliebear and Princess, who was 3 months old when he left) alone. That was when I met MM at the airport. I still say, "small world" on that one... Anyway, we drove to Vegas one evening, stood in line at their 24 hour licensing office, got married at a random facility (wonderful minister- hilarious) and drove right back. Now. I guess you could say we were away from home. Port Hueneme is also beautiful. But I love the ocean. But he was going to work getting ready for deployment. We didn't get to do a lot of sight seeing, etc. It was kind of dinner every night. We did go get tattoos together. :) So I am not counting that as a honeymoon.
This 96 hours of leave they were given was truly amazing. Since I hadn't seen him in 10 months, it was almost like that new love/just married bliss still had me glowing. We got to spend every minute together. We saw things and did things. Though I missed them, there were no kids around. (Hubby threatened to take the phone away from me until about the 3rd day.) I can actually count this as our honeymoon. Thank you, hubby! I had a wonderful time. It was a much needed break. And I fell in love with you all over again.

Friday, May 7th, deserves it's own belated post...

I experience every now and then extremely dry eyes. It's been something that has plagued me for a long time. On top of that, I have an old injury to my left eye that reoccurs occasionally. I can't remember the technical term for it but it's basically a chronic erosion of the corneal tissue. What that means is, the injury was basically a scratch or tear in my corneal tissue. It will honestly never heal without some new surgery. Very new... I dunno...
When my eyes get REALLY dry, while I sleep, my lid sticks to the tissue that is torn and when I wake up and open my eyes, it basically tears open. Sounds painful, yes? You have no idea. The first time it happened, I just knew someone had a voodoo doll somewhere and was poking a needle in the eye of the stupid thing. Not really, but that's how it feels.
Anyway, it sometimes is a gradual thing to where I can function but it's really irritated and drops or my eye lube will do the trick. Depends on how dry my eye was I guess. Other times it's something that makes it difficult to function.
On Friday, it was difficult to function. I went to work with it extremely irritated, watering, and worked for 2 hours and 15 minutes before the needle stab started. I had to take FMLA time off for the rest of the day. I went to the doctor at 11. He is so excited about having to fill out new FMLA paperwork to Att's satisfaction... That is supposed to be oozing with sarcasm, by the way. I hope they don't give me any grief. It's the last thing I need. I went home and laid down for about an hour and a half. He gave me lots of sample drops. One to help heal my eye, one for pain and one for lubrication. The only one that he gave me a prescription for was the one that heals and it's 111.00. I don't think so. I know I need it but I am going to have to call him on Monday to see if there's any other option. The ones his associate prescribed last time were like 60 bucks. And these are 5 ml bottles! Ridiculous!
I have a follow up appointment on Thursday so we will get the paperwork done then. My eye has been a bit better through Saturday. Still watering all day and extremely sensitive to light. Using my drops and pushing on. What choice do I have?
I told hubby I had been a single parent for the last 10 months. I think he kind of took what I meant out of context. I hope not, honey... If you are reading this. I am just ready for him to be home...
I am still going through deployment. Hubby is still in GP going through check out. We are hoping Monday or Tuesday he will be home. It's almost time to change my blog heading! Am I ready? For him to be here? Yes. For him to see the house in it's condition? No. I have so much cleaning yet to do. To be able to look in his eyes, touch him, wake up to his face in the morning? Yes. Have him help me with the kids? Yes. I am hoping with an extra parent here, we will be able to turn Cici's grades last 6 weeks around. She is having a really tough time this year and it looks like summer school is in her future. (What sucks about that is the only week available for vacation, which I have already scheduled, is during summer school. We planned a trip to Sea World and the beaches of Padre Island. I hope and pray either she passes or someone gives up a week later in the summer I can take instead. Priority though is her going to 8th grade. Praying...) Ready for his wonderful cooking everyday? Yes.
I don't know if I am having some anxiety about him coming home because I feel like he will be putting on the white glove. I don't know why I feel that way. He has constantly told me I am doing a good job and thanked me for handling the house and my job in his absence. Just my weird back of the mind paranoia. I already know the parenting/discipline is about to change. If we played good cop/bad cop, he's always the bad cop. I am just no good at it. I am so glad hubby will be home. I just don't know how much more I can take...
Anyway, my eye was feeling better but still not 100% to where I could sit at a PC all day and take calls so I didn't go back to work. When I picked the kids up from school, I took the little ones to get new shoes. It was way past time. When they got their feet measured, everyone but Bruiser had gone up a size. So then I felt like a terrible mother. I last bought them shoes around February. Jeez! Growth spurts are amazing. Anyway, everyone got a new pair of tennis shoes for school. And I still need to find more. When I get time and am feeling better. Hopefully tomorrow I can look so they can have at least 2 pair each for now.
I really plan on dedicating tomorrow, my mother's day, to cleaning the house so it will look nice for when hubby comes home. Fun.
I priced the replacement remote control for my Bluray DVD player in the bedroom and it's 38.00 including shipping. Gonna have to get it. I'd hate for hubby not to be able to watch movies in here if he wants. It drives me nuts as it is. I have been looking for it for months. I can only conclude one of the kids threw it away on accident.
Oh well. Guess I will try to go back to sleep. I have a splitting headache and at the same time my mind is racing so I thought blogging would help. Just pour out some thoughts, you know? More to come...

Happy Birthday, Elliebear!/Happy Mother's Day!

I am awake at 3:20 AM with an extreme headache and my shoulders are amazingly tense. I took a blood pressure pill, a pain pill and an muscle relaxer. That's how bad it is. I had an emotional moment earlier. I don't know what that was about because I had a great day on Saturday...
It's pouring down rain right now. Buckets. After a beautiful sunny day Saturday, hate that! But I guess rain is always needed for growth of some kind, right?
So today, I woke up early for some reason. Before 8 AM. Everyone else was still asleep. I let Elliebear, since today was her 1th birthday, spend the night with 2 of her girlfriends last night. She went to one of their softball games and I was to pick her up at noon. So, I laid in bed for a bit, couldn't get back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. Decided to get up and make breakfast- french toast, grits and bacon.
From there, did a few chores and then took everyone to the park to play. It was so nice out. We walked on the trail and the twins actually stayed on the trail and behaved! There's a pond as well as a lake at the park we went to. The girls all were at the edge of the pond water, checking out the algae and tadpoles and dragonflies and turtles and ducks. Bubba was keeping his distance and saying, "ewwww!" It was so funny. I can't wait for hubby to get here for some male bonding. My Bubba needs a brother. Pinky came down a side and flipped face first into the playground gravel. I don't know what that stuff is, little rocks, so her forehead is all banged up. But she got right back up. Big girl.
After the park, we went to McDonald's for lunch. It had an outdoor play land. So we ate and I let them play a bit more. Everyone was tuckered out. I took them home for naps and Elliebear and I went to the grocery store. I spent 200.00 on groceries. I had to restock some stuff since the chef will be home soon. And I am still not done. Need meat... I see a trip to SAMS in my future. Canned goods for a couple weeks for a family of 8, diapers, etc... I think I did a good job but I know he's gonna have some weird cravings so I am so curious about the first grocery bill when he shops. LOL. They have opened up a new store called ALDI right in our neighborhood. We have made plans to check it out because I have only heard good things about it.
I was talking to the hubby on the phone, while putting away groceries and making dinner. We had been on the phone off and on all day. Until I got into moments where I had to be torn away. It's always good to hear his voice, laugh with him... But for some reason, at that time, all the little ones were underfoot. I kept telling C and L to watch them so I could get the kitchen in order and finish dinner but they were doing a terrible job. Princess was trying to be a big helper by attempting to put tops on their sippy cups and she spilled the red fruit punch all over my white counter tops. And you know it stains for a few days. That was the last straw. You can't imagine how noisy it was or how many times I heard "Momma" during that time span while I was trying to super multi task. I lost it. Big huge tears and sobbing. I don't know if I was tired. I can for sure say I was overwhelmed. I was frustrated because the girls can be so lazy. That lasted for about 15 minutes. I regained my composure. Princess came and apologized and I did the same. I don't know what came over me. I luckily had let hubby go from the phone because there was way too much commotion to talk.
Elliebear didn't want a birthday cake. She already had her party back in April at the ice rink. I didn't want to do it this weekend originally because I was honestly expecting this to be hubby's first weekend home. Almost timed that one right. I am glad we got it out of the way though. It is Mother's Day weekend after all. I wouldn't have been in the mood. I saved one gift for her for her birthday. The rest she got at her party. She decided to have banana splits with Blue Bell Vanilla Bean ice cream, peanuts, chocolate and strawberry syrup and a cherry on top. Man, were they good! We all sang happy birthday to her and that was that.
My hubby was rooting for the basketball team that I hate most in the league. We kid each other about it all the time. It's great. I am a huge fan of our local team but they never make it past the first (once second) round. Looks like the Lakers may sweep the Jazz. UGH. He bet money on the game so I said I'd root for them otherwise it'd be like shooting myself in the foot. They won by 1 point. How disappointing that must have been for the Jazz. An understatement, I'm sure.
He keeps saying he will convert me into a Lakers fan... I don't see it happening as long as Kobe Bryant is on the team. I loathe him.
Anyway, I gave up on all chores as my head was pounding. I gave the kids a bath and put them and myself to bed. And here we are...
I got a huge bouquet of roses delivered to me on Thursday at work for mother's day from Stephen (on the kid's behalf.) They were beautiful! Easiest the best roses I have ever received. Great job, Cannon Florists! The little ones all made me gifts at daycare too. I am going to open them tomorrow since they are actually gift wrapped. I love my kid's daycare so much. By the way, while I was gone last week, the owner told me Bubba was the only one crying for me. Everyone else seemed to be OK with me being gone. My baby boy missed me... All of them were happy to see me return. I could genuinely feel it. Bruiser fell asleep on my chest that first night after telling me earlier in the evening, "OK Momma! You love me! Now that's enough!" when I was oohing and aahing about seeing her after a week. She's 3 going on 30.
Speaking of going on 30-something... I will be 36 in just a couple of weeks. Wow. Where did the time go? There's so much I wanted to have accomplished by 35 and it is slow but sure but not quite done. It's OK. I am blessed regardless. I don't know what I want to do for Mother's Day. On Friday, everyone but Ellie, went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. Maybe I will go out to eat again. I don't know if I want to cook, the way I feel. Maybe Golden Corral or Ryan's. Hmmm...
I think I will end this post now. It's getting rather long... I do need to finish details my trip. So I will start another... I have been so busy getting back into the swing of things since being home, I haven't had a chance to blog.

What A Wonderful Week!

I am spending my last night in Gulf Port with the hubby! Back on the road tomorrow-home to the kids and the hectic day to day. It's like awakening from a dream... I haven't had an opportunity to blog. Busy busy bees we have been!
I left the house at about 3 PM last Sunday. Michelle and Samantha made it over and they took over the household duties for me. Last I checked, everyone was still alive and in one piece so I guess it's all ok.
I drove to Gulf Port and made it there at a bit after midnight. That was the longest drive ever! We were told to meet on the base at 6 AM. So I showered and my nerves were on fire until I passed out. Woke up at 5 AM. Made it to the base right at 6 AM and hubby didn't arrive til 10-ish. I must say it was a long morning until I saw him get off that bus! Totally a sight worth waiting for! I imagined what the moment would be like several times before. I always thought I would cry. I was so overwhelmed with happiness, but no tears! My cheeks hurt from smiling and I hugged him so tight and didn't let go for several minutes. I had butterflies before seeing him. My stomach was turning flips. And once I had him in my arms, I thought my heart would jump out of my chest!
Now a lot has happened in this last week so I will try to recap as best I can and come back and edit if necessary or add info in a later post. But we had an absolute ball! Our first night was at the Beaurivage hotel. Nice view of the gulf. Beautiful room. We agreed that we liked the IP better from our previous stay but it was nice. We decided to move around a bit. We stayed at the Isle the second night. It was a much more laid back place but still had a nice view of the water and we were very happy to be together.
For our third night, we drove in to Pensacola Beach, Florida... Gulf Breeze to be exact. It's an island with the most beautiful white sand beaches. Along the way, we stopped at the USS Alabama and toured the ship and the sub. Amazing. We stayed at the Holiday Inn and had a private balcony with a view of the ocean. We ate at a place called Crabs! We Got Em! for dinner and I must say it is one of my favorite restaurants of all time. Right on the water. Food was excellent and they made some of the best mixed drinks ever!
Fourth day was amazing as well. We woke up and ate breakfast at the hotel and then went for a walk on the beach. It was beautiful! I could totally live in Pensacola Beach. So nice and laid back. I love the ocean. We saw a house that was shaped like a UFO and had aliens painted in the window. Hilarious! We went to the Naval base there and wow! I was blown away. The place was huge! Hubby was impressed as well. We stayed at the Hilton that night. View of the bay. So very happy!
Hubby is out of his shower! More later! Must go to bed and prep for this drive back to Texas in the AM. I wanted to get some of this down before I forget or get too busy. Maybe I will have more time to collect my thoughts before I get home.