Bloggety Blog Blog...

That's how I feel. I am so tired. I am starting not to care. Not robot mode, not numb. Just intentionally not caring. I don't mean not caring about my hubby or kids. Nothing like that. I am still as in love with him as ever. My kids still crack me up. And I still smile each time I hear hubby's voice. It's this job and the housework that I could give 2 sh*ts about right now.

I am trying to keep up with everything. It's getting harder and harder to stay positive. You'd think being closer to the end of this it would get easier. But, no. Not so much.

I have a parent/teacher conference scheduled tomorrow AM with L's teacher. I have to go pay my monthly installment on my traffic ticket after that. I have to take Princess, Bruiser, Bubba and Pinky to the dentist tomorrow by myself. That appt is at 1:30 so I am hoping I will have some time in the afternoon after taking them back to school to go get a pedicure or something. I need some down time.

I need to spend every possible moment cleaning. I have been keeping up with the bare minimums on cleaning. Dishes and laundry seem to just eat my time. The floors need to be mopped so bad. My bathrooms need to be cleaned. And it's so depressing that each time I get anything done, it's messy again, literally the next day. I feel like there is no point.

I am watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand. It's a new series like 300 mixed with Gladiator but nowhere near as good. I am just on the first episode. Hope it gets better. I like the time period. The stories usually catch my interest. We'll see. I spent 80 bucks on movies today. 4 of them. I have such an addiction. I also paid for 2 weeks of daycare and my car note. Still have a few utilities next check and hubby's car. Ugh. I hate bills. Hubby is handling house payment. Yay!

Not very much interesting is happening. I helped L with her family tree project. She told me about it today... it is due tomorrow. I talked to my dad. Just wanted to get the names of all his siblings. The man has 4 sisters and 6 brothers. My god! My Grandparents were breeding! LOL.

I am hoping my mood changes. I know it's the week before Mary comes to visit. I am planning on going to AL's baby shower Sunday. I already have the gift- diapers and a little sleeper outfit. We have an hour of overtime scheduled for Monday and 30 minutes T-F next week. I am already tired just thinking about it.

We are supposed to have ice and snow on Friday. Great. Just what we need. Love you, hubby!

Sunday...

That's about it. It was Sunday. I had a monstrous headache all day long. There was so much to be done. I took a nap when the kids did. I had to. Couldn't keep my eyes open.
Yesterday I broiled 9 steaks. There was enough left over for dinner today. We had mashed potatoes both days, yesterday I added black-eyed peas and spinach. Today I fried shrimp and made Navy beans to go with it. It's time for that fridge/cabinet clean out thing. I want to cook what's here.
Yesterday I went with everyone but the twins to the local mall for ice skating with the FRG group. Our president's daughter celebrating her 12th birthday, so there was cake. :)
Bruiser wanted me to skate with her. I was having a really hard time. I apparently don't have the ankles for iceskating. It's as hard as I remember it was the one time I went when I was a kid. Elliebear was the only one who skated for the whole hour we were there. While she skated, Cici and I took Bruiser and Princess to ride the carousel. It was a nice day out. And I bought a really cool FRG coin.
I got to talk to my hubby quite a bit this weekend. That was good. But today, when I really needed to hear his voice most, no go.
The Saints beat the Vikings today. It was a very good game. OT and the Saints won by a field goal, 31-28. I missed the other games today, as I was sleeping or cleaning/cooking.
On Friday, I got a call from the daycare to pick Pinky up cause she had 102.5 temp. I took all 4 little ones in to the after hours location for my family doctor. It took me an hour and a half to fill out all the paperwork for them, as they were new patients. Man, I really wish I could've taken them to doctor K, but, it was so late in the day, They were closed. My boss actually let me leave an hour and 15 minutes early, excused, unpaid time. On a Friday. I was shocked.
I bumped into Dana there. She has bronchitis. Hubby, she is the one in the Halloween pic with Jo and I. There are yuckies going around. Turned out we had 4 upper respiratory infections and Pinky had an ear infection. Amoxil all around. Let's just hope they can make it through a whole day at school all week.
I was seriously doubting myself again today. I hate to be out of it. I hate feeling like I got nothing accomplished. I hate being sick and having sick kids. I feel so inadequate. I kept thinking all day, "I can't do this" and I really wanted my hubby to be home.
I have been neglecting my dog. He gets food and water and an occasional rub on the head but I haven't taken him for a walk in weeks. Poor thing. He gets to go outside and entertain himself, but I feel bad none of us go out with him.
I guess I will go to bed. It's 1:15, technically Monday AM. I gotta get up for work in just a few hours. Joy...
More to come... I love you, hubby.

OMG... That's all I can say...

The past couple weeks have been the craziest ride ever. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Maybe lots of things contributing to this but it's really affecting me. I am trying to keep smiling, trying to keep up the new year, new cheer attitude but it's turning more into new year, new fears...
Let me start by saying Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. The girls were dismissed early Thursday and Friday. And they are out of school today and tomorrow.

Last week, there was a huge earthquake in Haiti. Port Au Prince was destroyed and they are as of today estimating the death count to be about 100,000. Seabees from Gulf Port, MS are being sent over, the news says. Many of them fresh out of boot camp. They were interviewing this chief who was saying there was no way to prepare them for what they were about to see. Their job is to clear roads of whatever may be in the way, including bodies...

I bought and watched a movie last week called the Hurt Locker. It was a very good movie. About an EOD team, very dangerous work that only a group of lunatics would want to do. Between that and the news of the Gulf Port Seabees and their tasks, I am in awe of our military. What they must
endure for the greater good. It's amazing to me. I have a space in my heart for each and every one of them.

I sent Malt-o Meal in a care package for 2 of the guys with my hubby. One of them got moved to a different part of the country. The wife of the other one tells me yesterday, he loves it but he doesn't know how to make it. She makes it for him. I am like (to myself) he's a Seabee, he can build, he can fight, but he can't make malt-o meal??? Scary... LOL

This is one Monday that passed very quickly. That is a very good thing. I am really looking forward to the end of this deployment. That's an understatement. I have been able to talk to the hubby a bit here and there the last few days. We went a few days with no contact last week. Found out it was because of a sandstorm knocking out Internet and phone connections. That was torture!

Valentine's Day will be here before you know it. I have a few cards I have found that I really liked to send to the hubby. Gift? I don't know. I want to give him me... Too bad I can't ship myself in a box with a big red bow tied around my waist.

New Year,New Cheer.

Or not...

I am so tired. I have reached that point again where this deployment and all it entails is wearing me down. I am trying to maintain a job, a household, and relationships with 7 people that truly matter- one of which is in another country. This is so hard...

I am on the verge of emotional breakdown. Probably just overtired. But it goes without saying, I miss my husband. This is a team effort. And we are working together... but it's so much harder when he's away. On the other hand, I saw something that was pretty strange... Will have to talk to hubby about it, mostly because I am being nosey. But when I think about it... my situation could be worse. I could be one of those unfortunate few who is going through turmoil regarding their relationship. I am indeed lucky in love.

I have this big plan tonight. I stayed up til 2 AM last night/this AM cleaning up and doing laundry. I am truly sleepy right now. I think I will shut my eyes for just a bit and either get up later or wake up really early and do the dinner dishes. I made a roast in the crock pot. I just need to clean it out and I have already done the table. Washed another load of clothes and put some away as well. Kids have all had baths and twins are in bed, though not asleep. Everyone has had cold medicine. Cici is finishing her homework. And Elliebear is "playing" with Bruiser and Princess while I do this. They are all in my bed, for now.

I won a portable DVD player at work today. That was unexpected. My day was sort of long and drawn out. But it's winding down. I was able to IM with hubby at work today briefly. I am so proud of that man. I remembered to take my BC pills so far. Hubby asked me if I was still open for business. Silly silly man. Not soon, love. Not soon.
I am being summoned by the Bruiser. To be continued...

Yet Another Reminder...

...of how short and precious life can be. My tub buddy at work for the last few years, Shannon, has a 4 year old daughter. So as you can imagine, we two mommies, though we never saw each other outside of work, have pretty much bonded through stories of motherhood for 40 hours a week. She is in her mid 40s and had a time conceiving her daughter. She is pretty sure that Riley will be her only child. They found out Monday that Riley had a tumor in part of her brain stem and thalamus. She'd been having tremors and they feared she had lupus or some other strange disease, but MRIs confirmed the tumor. She had surgery which lasted from about 8:00 AM til when I got off work at 5:30. She posted updates throughout the day and has been asking everyone to pray for her and her family. The surgery appeared to have been a success. Riley will be sedated for the rest of the night and they are still waiting to see if there will be any permanent damage and if the tumor was benign or malignant.
I went through this, a similar situation, with my husband's little cousin several months ago. I had more physical contact with him than I did with Riley. His mommy would babysit for my husband and I on occasion. I love her dearly. However, I didn't get to know her son as well as I would have liked. He was pretty quiet for his 9 years. His situation, however, turned grave and he didn't beat his illness. He had surgery to remove his tumor as well. Unfortunately, he passed away a couple of weeks after. I am tearing up just thinking about it. I haven't had any physical contact with Riley, but after hearing daily stories about her activities and quotes and seeing pictures of her on Shannon's desk, her phone, face book, etc. I feel like I know her. So twice I have tried without success to put myself in the shoes of a mother fighting for her baby's life. And I can't. It's impossible.
Last night, as I was thinking about this, I took extra time after I gave each of my little ones a bath. I rubbed each one down with lotion, held them close to me, kissed them, told them I loved them over and over again. I know the twins didn't understand what I was saying but their smiling, happy, innocent faces showed me that they understood what I was feeling-Overwhelming love. And I can say in those moments, I felt closer to God than I have ever felt before.
I don't understand it. It isn't fair. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. 2 different walks of life, entirely. Just goes to show that anything can happen at any time to anyone. Death shows no mercy while life shows us all it's mercy. I am not the most religious person in the world, but I pray for our little cousin and his mother. And I pray for Riley and her mother. And I pray that I will never have to endure the pain either of them must be going through.
I haven't been able to talk to hubby as much as I want to over the last couple of days. Hearing his voice even ever so briefly was like air in my lungs after almost drowning. Mary's here. I am super emotional. We have been so busy this first week back after my vacation and that slow time during the holidays. And the calls are all the same. People who have overextended their finances during Christmas and lost their jobs and blah blah blah... The sad stories all day. The mental anguish I am feeling for my friend and the reminder of my little cousin. It's just so depressing and having Mary here causing this physical discomfort- cramping, tiredness, crankiness, doesn't help. This has just been an awful week and hubby just makes it better. Luckily I have gotten flowers (did I mention that?) from him and a couple of cards and letters as well. So I know somewhere in the world, there is a wonderfully beautiful man thinking about me. Knowing that, makes the world seem a bit less cruel and lonely.
Thank you, my sweet precious husband, for being you and for loving me. Thank you for our beautiful family. I cant wait for you to come home so I can treasure every second of time I have with all of you, together. I love you.

2 parts madness, 1 part vodka

That's what's in this drink! Jeez. I am wiped out. First day of Mary's visit. Knew I woke up feeling like super bitch for some reason! And I just busted Bruiser putting diaper rash ointment on Froggy's bottom. Where she got the tube? Who knows? She climbs up the shelf in the bathroom to get stuff. It's ridiculous. I have absolutely no energy. I slept 8 hours in joyous oblivion last night. Elliebear told me this AM that Princess and Bruiser were in her room playing and keeping her awake until after midnight. I asked her why didn't she tell me? She says she did. I remember none of this... But I apparently needed the rest.
Today, my addiction called to me again. Bought Final Destination, the really cheesy one hubby and I saw together. And Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Which I saw with C and L and loved! I just can't be stopped! :)
The best best best part of my day! Hubby sent me new flowers at work! They are so pretty! Wasn't expecting that! I love him so much! And then, our clerk is moving to another dept. As she was cleaning off her desk, she found a card that was postmarked Dec 16 and she had no idea how long it had been on her desk. The card was excellent. Between that and the flowers, my day was made. If I would've just had work and the kids... I would have literally been sipping some of the titled drink...

Toothy Tuesday...

Well, today I am soooo out of it. I stayed up til 1:30 AM cleaning my bedroom last night. And I am still not finished. I went to work at 8 today. Left from 10:15-2:45 (including my 30 minute lunch) to take C and L to the dentist. C ended up having to have a deep cleaning/irrigation. 127.00 bucks I wasn't expecting. But at least she has a clean mouth. I am still harping on brushing her teeth, along with everyone at the dental office. I am hoping that the pain she endured today was a firm reminder! We went to lunch at Arby's. I dropped them off at home and am back at work. Decided to let them stay home since school is almost out anyway.

In cleaning last night, I found the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and discovered a couple others that are missing. Including a new one I just bought last week. Ugh! I worked on the living room too. But at least I got a lot done.

I am still trying to figure out the DVR. I have practiced recording some movies but haven't had the chance to go back and watch them. Hopefully I will have this figured out by the time hubby's requested Alabama/Texas football game comes on on Thursday.

I was able to instant message with hubby while at the dentist's office today. That was nice. I am always happy to hear(/read) from him. I also got a card/letter in the mail today from him and a belated Christmas card from my aunt in California. Always nice to hear from her as well. I just realized we didn't make our annual trip to my aunt's house here in the local area. I didn't even talk to her on the phone. Now I feel bad. Oh well.
I can't do everything or be everywhere, right?

The Vacation is Over...

This has been the busiest time away from work ever! Last Sunday a birthday party for a one year old. Today, a birthday party for a 2 year old. And all that's in between! Both of them were fun. Cici stayed home today to finish homework that she has known about for the last 2 weeks. Today's party was at the local mall. They have a carousel and eating area. The kids love that thing!
I didn't make it to the gym not once this whole week. I am so disappointed in myself. But, I have gotten tons accomplished. The new plan is to start the new year off with diet and exercise. I don't mean being on a diet, I mean eating healthy. So far, it ain't happenin'. Oh well. It'll come around.
Got to skype with the hubby quite a bit this week. I guess just because I was available instead of trapped in my cubicle in the middle of the day. I got to watch lots of movies while I was home though. Still never found Pirates of the C 3... Maybe someone borrowed it... Who knows...
We are on the downhill slope. I am extremely ready for this deployment to be over. I am so proud of hubby. He enrolled in some college courses to take online. He has been, like myself, trying to get his degree out of the way forever. I was going to start too, but I just don't see it happening. With the kids, work and the household, I can barely find time to read the Sunday funnies, let alone a text book. And I need one more science with lab. That's going to be a class I must dedicate some time to. I can't do it til hubby gets home. I must do my best and I would be so angry with myself for failing. I would just rather wait til hubby gets home. I think he is disappointed in me for not wanting to try. My motivation just isn't there for a lot of stuff... especially that, right now.
I didn't get to clean the garage. I didn't get to reorganize the entertainment center in my bedroom so I could set up the Xbox. I didn't get to go through drawers and closets to get rid of clothes we wouldn't be wearing anymore. I really need to stop being a negative Nelly. I did get LOTS done. I must remember in this new year to stop discounting what I have done and be a bit more positive, yes?
I have told the girls that the count down has begun. I hate to be the cruel evil mother but I told them any gifts they get for their birthdays must be earned. I am not going to reward "growing up" when they are not "growing up", if that makes any sense. I just can't spoil them. They are going to have to be a bit more responsible and respectful. They are big helpers. I don't know how I would be handling this deployment without them. However, they have made some of my days quite stressful as well. Kinda makes me appreciate the little ones for not being able to talk.
Cici called Elliebear a "yeti" tonight. It was hilarious but I really wish they would stop having these little battles with each other.
Hubby says his mail is about to be stopped very soon. I saw a post on FB from someone with him who says their mail address may change. I wonder what's up with that. Hubby won't tell me of course. Not yet or over the phone or skype. So, I am left to wonder... I hope all is well over in the desert, my love. This starting off a new year without you is a big stinking pile of suck!
Well, back to regular routine tomorrow. It's supposed to be really cold. That bites! (No pun intended) So I guess I will get to bed. All the kiddos are asleep. I must wake up early tomorrow. UGH. Hate that. More to come... Love you, my dearest husband.