Yet Another Reminder...

...of how short and precious life can be. My tub buddy at work for the last few years, Shannon, has a 4 year old daughter. So as you can imagine, we two mommies, though we never saw each other outside of work, have pretty much bonded through stories of motherhood for 40 hours a week. She is in her mid 40s and had a time conceiving her daughter. She is pretty sure that Riley will be her only child. They found out Monday that Riley had a tumor in part of her brain stem and thalamus. She'd been having tremors and they feared she had lupus or some other strange disease, but MRIs confirmed the tumor. She had surgery which lasted from about 8:00 AM til when I got off work at 5:30. She posted updates throughout the day and has been asking everyone to pray for her and her family. The surgery appeared to have been a success. Riley will be sedated for the rest of the night and they are still waiting to see if there will be any permanent damage and if the tumor was benign or malignant.
I went through this, a similar situation, with my husband's little cousin several months ago. I had more physical contact with him than I did with Riley. His mommy would babysit for my husband and I on occasion. I love her dearly. However, I didn't get to know her son as well as I would have liked. He was pretty quiet for his 9 years. His situation, however, turned grave and he didn't beat his illness. He had surgery to remove his tumor as well. Unfortunately, he passed away a couple of weeks after. I am tearing up just thinking about it. I haven't had any physical contact with Riley, but after hearing daily stories about her activities and quotes and seeing pictures of her on Shannon's desk, her phone, face book, etc. I feel like I know her. So twice I have tried without success to put myself in the shoes of a mother fighting for her baby's life. And I can't. It's impossible.
Last night, as I was thinking about this, I took extra time after I gave each of my little ones a bath. I rubbed each one down with lotion, held them close to me, kissed them, told them I loved them over and over again. I know the twins didn't understand what I was saying but their smiling, happy, innocent faces showed me that they understood what I was feeling-Overwhelming love. And I can say in those moments, I felt closer to God than I have ever felt before.
I don't understand it. It isn't fair. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. 2 different walks of life, entirely. Just goes to show that anything can happen at any time to anyone. Death shows no mercy while life shows us all it's mercy. I am not the most religious person in the world, but I pray for our little cousin and his mother. And I pray for Riley and her mother. And I pray that I will never have to endure the pain either of them must be going through.
I haven't been able to talk to hubby as much as I want to over the last couple of days. Hearing his voice even ever so briefly was like air in my lungs after almost drowning. Mary's here. I am super emotional. We have been so busy this first week back after my vacation and that slow time during the holidays. And the calls are all the same. People who have overextended their finances during Christmas and lost their jobs and blah blah blah... The sad stories all day. The mental anguish I am feeling for my friend and the reminder of my little cousin. It's just so depressing and having Mary here causing this physical discomfort- cramping, tiredness, crankiness, doesn't help. This has just been an awful week and hubby just makes it better. Luckily I have gotten flowers (did I mention that?) from him and a couple of cards and letters as well. So I know somewhere in the world, there is a wonderfully beautiful man thinking about me. Knowing that, makes the world seem a bit less cruel and lonely.
Thank you, my sweet precious husband, for being you and for loving me. Thank you for our beautiful family. I cant wait for you to come home so I can treasure every second of time I have with all of you, together. I love you.